“Haha I found your blog…also I am secretly obsessed with you. And I think you like me too but you’re too shy to do anything but I am a manly man so that is why I am sending you this anonymous message. I got this idea from a tumblr spam I got once LOL IM SO SMART! Look up <my profile on a trashy sounding website while I complain about the link not working> and look at my body AKA private parts but not my face and guess who I am and then we can hook up because you were always too shy to admit you liked me you know. PS you need to link your credit card to the trashy website but I promise it is free. alsoweneedyoursocialsecuritynumberandbirthcertificate.”

- paraphrased, AKA my own interpretation

YEAH. SO CONVINCING. NICE TRY.

And even if you weren’t spam, I still wouldn’t look you up. Duh. #1 porn is gross and #2 I am engaged. My search is OVER. So you can leave me alone now kthxbai :)