[actual conversation I had with my sister while trying to go to sleep one night. preserved thanks to the beauty of facebook statii and mobile apps on smartphones. circa March 2011]

Would you rather not be allowed to wear jeans for the rest of your life, or be forced to wear a long sleeve shirt everyday for the rest of your life?

Would you rather loose all of your eyelashes or all of your eyebrows?

Would you rather pee your pants at school once a year for your entire academic career or smell like cat pee for an entire week once every other year?

Would you rather be forced to put one of your fingers through a paper shredder or be featured on Animal Hoarders?

Would you rather be locked in a church building for a week with the hoboes that live there or be locked in a school bathroom for a week?

Would you rather have unclippable toenails, like they’re made of iron and you can’t clip them, or live the rest of your life as a stuffed animal bunny?

Would you rather have a college roommate who didn’t know what a shower was, so she smelled like an armpit, and so did you, so you have no friends except for armpit girl……or spend an entire month in the underground tunnels at Disneyland with nobody to talk to. And occasionally you’d get a corn dog.

Would you rather have armpit hair that extends to your waist or nose hair that extends to your bellybutton???

What would you do if your throat turned into a digeridoo, so every time you talked you sounded like a digeridoo, and you had a translator that could speak digeridoo but not English????

[There were many more, but those were the only ones I could type up while simultaneously laughing my guts out and answering the questions]